This morning as I was dropping my 13 year old son off at school, I looked at him and said, “It’s going to be the best day of your life. And I know you’re going to do wonderfully on your science report.” I watched as his eyes got big as saucers. I knew in that instant that he had forgotten to bring his science report with him to school.
He leaned forward as if to ask me something and then, immediately backed away and said, “never mind” and opened his car door to get out. I asked him what he was going to say. Sheepishly, he asked me if I would mind e-mailing his report to him when I got back home and he could try to print it out at school somehow.
In the past, I would have surely rolled my eyes or in some way, through my body language shown my disapproval, my judgement that he was forgetful and that somehow he shouldn’t have forgotten that report.
“Absolutely. No problem, honey” I said. And then I repeated four words that I had heard the day before, “I’ve got your back.” The sigh of relief and gratitude from my son was palpable. “Thank you so much mom,” he said. As he crossed the street in front of me, he turned back and with a big smile, gave me a big thumbs up.
As the words rolled off my tongue this morning to my son, the feeling inside of myself for aligning with him, rather than finding fault with him, was also palpable. It took my breath away. I feel pretty certain that hearing those words from me took my son’s breath away as well.
On my way home in the car, I began to contemplate how dignifying the words, “I’ve got your back” are, both to the individual saying them and to the individual receiving them. Those simple words send a message that we are worthy of support, connection and that we matter – the thing that all of us want to experience. I imagined my son hearing those words often from me. I imagined my husband hearing those words often from me. I imagined myself using those words often with everyone in my life. Don’t we all want to know that someone has our back?!!
Can you imagine using those words with the individuals who are closest to you in your life? Can you imagine using those words with YOURSELF? Try it on, “Don’t worry, I’ve got my back!”
I encourage you to make a commitment to begin using those words, first with yourself. Use them, loudly, clearly, overtly to yourself, especially when you perceive you’ve made a mistake. And then practice using them with those closest to you and watch them transform the way you relate to yourself. Watch them transform your most intimate relationships. These words will bring individuals closer to you, rather than push them away.
I had heard these words from my dear friend and mentor, Dr. Shefali, author of “The Conscious Parent” and the upcoming, highly anticipated, “The Awakened Family” yesterday on a tele class she was teaching to parents of children under the age of six. She was referring to a phrase she uses often with her own daughter, who is thirteen. I hope they assist you as much as they are assisting me!
Please let me know how those words begin to take your breath away … and maybe even change your life!
Your transformation begins when you consciously change your motherhood paradigm from Self Sacrifice to Self Care.
START TODAY by downloading (for FREE) Chapter 1 of my new book, From Self-Sacrifice to Self-Care (click here to get download access). My download includes the MP3 and PDF versions.
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