The other day, after my son left for school, Jami and I were having a conversation, which turned into a conversation about our son, Will, age 17. About 5 minutes later, Jami’s phone rang. Unbeknownst to us, Jami had inadvertently pocket dialed Will’s cell phone and yep, Will heard every word of our entire conversation!
I began scurrying through my mind, wondering what I’d said and what tone I’d said it with!
I used to find myself complaining “about” another person, because I felt powerless to transform the situation.
Think about the last conversation you had about someone in your life … your children … spouse … in laws … parents … boss … friend … and imagine that you’d unintentionally placed yourself on speaker phone and they heard every word out of your mouth about there.
This is such a telling moment because it magnifies the point that anything we say about another isn’t a refection of them at all. Anything that we say about another is reflecting our own consciousness about them.
Often we have unspoken energy about another without the tools to process our own emotions, nor the words to communicate and express ourselves in a healthy way to them.
Often we’re afraid of conflict. We’re taught that someone has to be “right” and someone has to be “wrong”. We aren’t taught that there’s more than enough space for two people to have differing opinions and still be able to stay connected.
It takes time to find the right words and the right tone to stay out of blame, to take personal responsibility and stay unattached to the other’s reaction. When we respect ourselves enough to share consciously with another, we typically feel good regardless of how the other reacts.
The more self expressed we are in our life, the more transparent we are in all of our relationships. And the more transparent we are, the more intimacy and connection we experience.
Are you wondering what I was saying about Will? I’ll give you a hint … right after Will called Jami, I received a text with a big smiley face, that simply said, “Hi mommy, I’ll clean up my room after school today” … nothing I haven’t told him to his face … a thousand times before 🙂
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