Long post alert … apologies in advance 🙂
My son is going to be a junior in high school and is taking a couple of honors and AP courses. He has had an incredibly amazing experience this summer doing an internship and didn’t dive into summer homework for said AP courses 🙂
This was a conscious choice on his part. He blocked off the last few days before school started to get his summer assignments done. The evening before school was starting it became apparent to him that he was not going to finish one of his assignments …. yep, I saw that train wreck coming 🙂
As you can imagine, as the evening went on, he became increasingly upset, anxious and stressed. In the past, I’d not have been able to resist some version of
“I told you so”.
The other evening though, I knew that the ONLY thing he needed was a safe space to fall apart. He already knew that he should have started his assignments earlier 🙂
As I simply listened, he shared and shared … his big, intense emotions. Somewhere in the midst of his tears, he started to take personal responsibility …
“Mom, I completely underestimated the time it was going to take me to get these assignments done.”
After a few more moments of tears / silence, he had an idea. He decided to call one of his trusted teachers and ask her advice, which he did (I wouldn’t have had the courage to do that!). They spoke and he calmed down further. He decided to go in early to school and share honestly with the AP teacher.
He went in and had an honest talk with the teacher, who acknowledged him for the way he handled the situation.
In the midst of such upset the other night, there was so much “health” present. We are often taught that health is the absence of upset. Nothing could be further from the truth. Health can absolutely co-exist with upset and listening is one of the tools that fosters an atmosphere of safety and health.
The power of simply listening to another human being as they move through their own life’s journey – especially our children – is astounding. My son felt heard, accepted and that safe space allowed him to express his feelings, have them pass and connect with his intuition – which is always within us, though often lodged deeply underneath the density of our emotions, self judgment and self criticism – and spark a solution.
Allowing his big emotions to pass without intervening created a tipping point that moved him from upset to his intuition, to solution consciousness. Withholding the urge to “teach” him anything, allowed his learning to come from the inside out of him.
This was one a powerful evening for both of us. I experienced the power of silence, compassion, acceptance and my own transformation. He experienced being seen, heard, accepted and the power of his own intuition and finding his own solutions.
Have you listened deeply to another lately, without interjecting?
Have you allowed your child or another a safe space to fall apart?
Have you listened deeply to YOURSELF lately, without interjecting?
Have you allowed YOURSELF a safe space to fall apart?
Perhaps you’ve heard that I’m teaching a new on line course
HEALING THE HEART OF THE INNER CHILD
The healing power of deep listening = to yourself, your children and others – is one of the things I’m going to teach you
Please click the HERE for more information and to enroll